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Cuomo and the Quest for Gracie Mansion
You are Andrew Cuomo, disgraced former governor of New York State. Can you beat Zohran Mamdani in the New York mayoral race? Probably not. But try anyway! Six endings to discover and lots of Real Cuomo Facts to learn. Play on itch.io
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Fighting Fit with Rowdy Roddy Piper
As a recent convert to the fighting arts, I approach combat sports with the lunatic zeal of a rich 25-year-old who just discovered Catholicism. Unlike them, I don’t claim to know better than the Pope — I still believe that Bas Rutten is the Punch God’s representative on earth. I’m now hearing that Bas Rutten…
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My Story Animated
New forms of media spawn new genres of storytelling. Television brought us the sitcom, the police procedural, the drawn-out public humiliation. Video games gave the world JRPGs, point-and-click adventure games, and Flopglopple abuse simulators. Streaming video first presented the vlog, then the head/cumshot compilation, and at last, the metrics-calibrated weapons-grade dopamine trap. For tots, there’s Cocomelon and…
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Cosmo Meets the Foreskin Justice League
It’s been a calendar year since we met Foreskin Man. It feels longer, though, doesn’t it? Like the protective, elastic skin that Dr. Mutilator yearns to tear from the vulnerable bodies of newborn boys, time has stretched out over the shaft of reality over these last twelve months. Let’s slow jerk a little while the world burns. April…
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r/Retconned
The early 2010s were a more innocent time for conspiracy theorists. Before Q and Facebook dragged everybody’s weird uncle into the Pizzagate vortex and COVID annihilated what was left of their shattered psyches, you could believe in outlandish and bizarre things that didn’t necessarily make you a mass shooter waiting to happen. Like, remember the…
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I Woke Up in Another World and I Think There’s Been Some Kind of Mistake
It was stupid of me not to look both ways before crossing the street, I know that. I guess I was distracted by the email saying I’d been accepted into U Chicago, my dream school. There was just enough time to see the truck before it hit me, and in that moment, I thought my…
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Actually, I Do Fear the Man Who Has Practiced 10,000 Kicks Once
Bruce Lee famously feared not the man who had practiced 10,000 kicks once, but the man who has practiced one kick 10,000 times. Now, I do not claim to be any sort of expert in the martial arts. And I would not dare to impugn the wisdom of one of the greatest athletes and film…
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My Favorite Games, Movies, and Books in 2024
I don’t play, watch, or read a lot of new stuff, so most of these lists are composed of things that are a little older but that I encountered for the first time in 2024. Games Movies Books
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Everything I Painted in 2024
Late last year I got back into miniature painting, something I hadn’t done since I was in college. I was living on my own in the middle of nowhere for most of 2024, and painting miniatures was a nice way to spend time, especially when I was snowed in. I even made a few YouTube…
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How I Work
A lot of this is probably obvious to most people. Also, nobody asked. Here goes anyway. 1. Take as many apps off your phone as you can. Use web versions of apps where you can. Fuck apps. I hate apps. Disable as many notifications as you can, while you’re at it. You don’t need to…