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Alligator Pie
Fish don’t realize they’re in water until they’re plucked out of it. Canadians don’t realize how specific their culture is until they move to another country. It took dedicated effort to purge “toque” and “pop” from my vocabulary when I first arrived in the US. Trickier was not making reference to children’s entertainment whose cultural…
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Fighting Fit with Rowdy Roddy Piper
As a recent convert to the fighting arts, I approach combat sports with the lunatic zeal of a rich 25-year-old who just discovered Catholicism. Unlike them, I don’t claim to know better than the Pope — I still believe that Bas Rutten is the Punch God’s representative on earth. I’m now hearing that Bas Rutten…
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My Story Animated
New forms of media spawn new genres of storytelling. Television brought us the sitcom, the police procedural, the drawn-out public humiliation. Video games gave the world JRPGs, point-and-click adventure games, and Flopglopple abuse simulators. Streaming video first presented the vlog, then the head/cumshot compilation, and at last, the metrics-calibrated weapons-grade dopamine trap. For tots, there’s Cocomelon and…
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Cosmo Meets the Foreskin Justice League
It’s been a calendar year since we met Foreskin Man. It feels longer, though, doesn’t it? Like the protective, elastic skin that Dr. Mutilator yearns to tear from the vulnerable bodies of newborn boys, time has stretched out over the shaft of reality over these last twelve months. Let’s slow jerk a little while the world burns. April…
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r/Retconned
The early 2010s were a more innocent time for conspiracy theorists. Before Q and Facebook dragged everybody’s weird uncle into the Pizzagate vortex and COVID annihilated what was left of their shattered psyches, you could believe in outlandish and bizarre things that didn’t necessarily make you a mass shooter waiting to happen. Like, remember the…
